therealkaichan | Chapter six I think? Wow.

Chapter Six
Choice

The first morning after their conversation, Celine didn’t push the panic button when she left her house.

She didn’t push it the next morning, or the one after that, or the one after...

She wasn’t sure if she would ever push the damn button again.

She liked Nanael. She was nice, and all. She had taken care of Celine back when they weren’t sure if she was in danger, and she had chatted with her to help alleviate the tension.

And yet, their last conversation had been so unsettling, that Celine wasn’t really sure she was ready to experience that horrible sinking feeling again.
“It’s been six days since you last called her. Things are getting suspicious.” Elimiel was all smiles, and Celine frowned.
“So you came pick me up? How considerate.”
“I don’t really do ‘considerate’, but I do ‘not stupid’. You’re being too notorious, Celine.”
“I don't care. I don’t have anything to tell her, and I know I’m not being followed.”
“You say that, and yet you want to see her, don’t you? It’s been so long since your last treatment that your brain must be full of strange thoughts. You get angry easily, scared easily, and most important, you start wanting to make stronger choices.”
“This has nothing to do with that.”
“You have trouble with keeping a coherent line of thought. Soon there is also danger that your hormones will start acting up. It’s usually the breaking point for most. Either they continue, and eventually grow used to the feelings, or they get scared and ask us to take them back.”
“That’s nice to know.”
“Nanael is dangerous, and at the same time she’s the closest thing you have to a friend since this started. You’ve moved apart from your old friends, because you feel they are lost. You begin to question if this order should be stopped.”
“What do you want?” Celine stopped, looking at the angel. She was angry, but it wasn't her fault.
“I want you to choose, of course. There is no easy road, and some are easier and others harder... But standing still will kill you, and you can't come this far to just sit and wither away.”
“Do you care?”
“I’m far from being selfless, but I gave you the chance to experience this world because you are unique.”
“I see.”

There was just silence for quite a long time. Celine wasn’t really sure of what to do next. She had tried to shield herself from this madness by going with her usual routine of classes and work, but she wasnt really sure of this being a good idea.

Truth to be told, she felt exactly like Elimiel said she did. She also felt she would explode if she didn’t do something, anything. Her options were more than clear before her. She could accept this world, or she could try to do something to change it. She preferred to do something, of course, but she wasn’t really sure if what she wanted to do was a good thing or a bad thing.

What if the choice was the incorrect one? It wasn’t just ‘Celine’ who would be affected this time. This would change the whole world, begin something maybe even more dangerous...

“Do you know what she told me?” She asked Elimiel. The angel smiled.
“Yes, I do. I told you I kept a close eye on children with moon names, didn’t I?”
“Then why aren’t you doing something? I don't care if it is helping or trying to stop this, but something...”
“Because I do not believe in a revolution brought by angelic hands. This has nothing to do with me,”
“But it does, you are not an island.”
“Maybe I am.”
“At least help a little?”
“You don’t need my help, Celine. Not when it’s a choice for you and only you to make.”
“Then you won’t do anything no matter what I choose...?”
“That is correct. It’s not my place.”
“You don’t like this world, do you?”
“It’s far more complex that liking or not liking. But those are things I cannot explain.”
“You are weird. Probably the weirdest among the angels I've met.”
“That I am.” Elimiel smiled, a weird smile that Celine couldn't really understand. “But at least I know what I want, even if I can’t share it.”
“I do know what I want. I just don't want everyone to be hurt by a wrong choice. It’s not just about me, you know.”
“At least it would be actual pain. Maybe it would help them wake up, or maybe it wouldn’t. I... I seriously don't think I am the person you should discuss this with. As much as I enjoy talking about these things, I can’t help you clear your thoughts, if anything I will make things worse.”
“I guess you are right... I just...”
“Go to the meeting place. Talk to the humans and the angels there. Listen to their stories.”
“I have class...”
“I’ll excuse you. I’ll excuse you from work as well, so you don’t have to hurry.”
“All right...” Celine was about to start walking the other way, but stopped. “Thank you.”
“Finding your answer will be thanks enough. Go.”

The meeting place looked a little different today. Or maybe it was she who was different. Haziel smiled at her from the bar, and Celine decided that maybe she should be first.
“Hello.”
“Hello Celine, do you want the usual?”
“No... I won't be drinking anything.”
“You look troubled.” Haziel leaned on the bar and looked at her. “Want to talk?”
“It’s... It’s weird and complicated.”
“Then the more reason.”
“Why are you here? I mean, this place is full of rebels... Why are you a rebel?”
“I’m afraid you may find my response a little boring... I’m here because I was tired of my other job. Nothing more, nothing less. I’m not really ‘rebelling’ as much as ‘not collaborating’. Many of us are like that... It’s a little boring, but not everything is done by a grand reason.”
“So you just wanted a change of air...?”
“Yes. That simple. That is also why some of the dealers come here. They trade with feelings, so they can experience feelings in return...”
“Are you okay with this world, then...?”
“I don’t care one way or another. We angels feel more comfortable when there is order... But any kind of order will do.”
“I get it...”
“I think Josiah may be your person. He and Elena. They are humans like you, and they went trough the same confusion at one time or another. There are... Little to no angels who actually want to bring this order down.”
“I see. I’ll check with them, then.”

Celine waited for a little, wondering who would be the first to appear. Would it be the black haired girl or the mysterious jerk? She smiled to herself, taking her time to go around and greet some of the habituals.
Elena was the winner. Celine smiled, waving at her from the other side of the room as soon as she went in. She frowned... There was the story with Elena’s angel too... Haziel said that there were few angels who didn’t want order, maybe that angel was one of those?
“Celine! It’s really early, did you ditch school?”
“Just today.” Celine gave her a small smile, and Elena laughed.
“It will be our secret.”
“I like that... Hey, Elena, can I ask you a thing?” By now she knew better than to walk around the topics with her, the girl was more than easily distracted.
“Sure!”
“It's a little weird, okay?”
“Oh. All right.”
“How did you get here? For the first time, I mean. How did you find you were resistant?”
“I... Had always been able to see my angel in dreams. My Counselor said that dreams were just that, and that I shouldn’t give it much thought... It was my angel who taught me that I was resistant and that there was nothing wrong with feeling strange or different.”
“And did your angel show you the way here?”
“Yes! My angel said that in this place nobody would think there was something wrong with me... And it was right. Everyone is really nice to me here.”
“I see... Elena...? If you could choose to be normal... Not pretending to be normal, but being actually normal, with a normal life... Would you do it?”
“I... I wouldn’t. I mean, life would be easier and all... But I like these feelings. Sometimes they are scary and they make me sad... But they are still mine, and nobody can take them away.”

Celine kept a thoughtful silence for a moment. She hadn’t really expected this kind of deep thoughts coming from Elena of all people, and yet there they were. It was a nice surprise. She always knew that each person was a small world, even back then before her life changed completely, but she sometimes could forget just how complex those small worlds could be.

She thanked Elena for her help, and went to get a drink. Haziel was quick to offer her the usual, and this time she accepted, sitting to take her drink in small sips. She wondered how many people would not go back to a normal life, how many people never had a real chance of tasting the bittersweet flavor of a real feeling.

Josiah didn't arrive to the meeting place until much later. He was as usual, dressed in white, and wearing some horrible shoes that clashed with everything. Celine couldn't help but notice that he seemed to be in a particularly good mood.
“Good afternoon, Celine.” He smiled at her as he ordered his usual drink. “You look tired.”
“I’ve been thinking.”
“I never thought it would take such a toll on you.”
“Oh shut up.”
“I will concede that thinking too much can be tiring, however.”
“I guess. Can I ask you a question? I need you to answer sincerely, no silly answers or anything.”
“I’ll try.” He smiled, and Celine didn’t quite believe the smile at all.
“All right... Do you ever want to go back and have a normal life instead of this?”
“That is a good question.” He nodded, thoughtful. “My answer is tricky. I do think that a normal life has its advantages, even if the normalcy is caused by blindness... But I wouldn't go back to being blind. Even back when I tried to close my eyes to shield myself from the truth, I always knew deep inside that this wasn’t the kind of life I wanted.”
“But if you weren’t a resistant... If you could choose between the happiness that angels give us, or the life you have now... What would you choose?” Josiah laughed at the question, and shrugged.
“I’d probably be really happy being utterly blind.”
“Really...?”
“There are two types of blindness. You can be born blind, or you can become blind. The first one, unfortunately has no solution... But since you were never really able to see, you never truly feel a ‘loss’ of anything. Non resistants have their eyesight taken from them before birth. So they are happy.”
“But if you could open their eyes and let them see...?”
“Many would like it. And others would be scared. Scared because the world is much larger and much brighter than they ever thought. Scared because things are nothing like they thought. They would have to learn so much... What is color? Which is which? Which lights are too bright to look at? And many of them, would want to go back to when things were easy.”
“If you had the chance to stop all of this... Would you do it?”
“Absolutely, as long as the chance were under my conditions.”
“Your conditions...?”
“Sometimes, even if it is for a greater goal, there are certain things I wouldn’t do.”
“Oh. I understand that, yes. Some personal rules should never be broken...”
“Exactly that. Do you have any other questions? They are fun.”
“No, not really... I just need to think... I had a heavy day yesterday.”
“Then go think instead of hanging around here. Sometimes we need to actually think. If you want to go and try to do some veil lifting, it’s necessary for you to be completely convinced.”
“That sounds more ominous than I’d like it to.”
“That’s what happens when you start doing things you are not sure of doing. You begin to see ominous signals everywhere. That is what conviction is for.”
“So I won't go back because the signals scare me, right?”
“Of course.”
“You sound like you have experience in that. Have you done something that required that much conviction?”
“You said you didn’t have any more questions, but it looks like you still had a lot to ask.”
“That’s true... I should be thinking.” Celine shrugged, easily taking the hint. “I’ll be going.”
“Have fun, Celine.”

She left the meeting place without looking back. She didn't need to see Josiah’s happy face as he waved, or she would have gone back in to punch the smile out of his face.

Celine went home, to her room, and there she spent hours thinking. It was her favorite place to think, after all. She knew by now that there was no easy answer for what she had to do. It was either go and do it and hope for the best, or sit and watch and hope for the best. Neither sounded good, and that made her nervous. If she went with Nanael’s idea, things would definitely change. Some people would like it and some would hate it, she could barely think of a middle point. Was there a ‘right’ answer?

In between her ocean of questions, Celine remembered that it was important to have all the information to make a choice. Maybe Nanael could tell her something that would make everything make sense? That would help a lot, and the last time she had rejected Nanael’s plan before she even knew exactly what her idea was.

Celine nodded to herself, reaching to her pocket. And of course she found nothing. She had been going out without the panic button for a while, so she got up and looked for it in her drawer. She took the small device and put it back in her pocket.

That was better. This time, she put her hand in the pocket to find the button in a familiar place. Much better. With that out of the way, Celine pushed the panic button and waited.

“You do hate me now, right?” Nanael’s voice appeared before she did. She was now sitting in the chair set by the desktop, and she was looking at Celine.
“No, not really... You’d have to try harder.”
“Really? I think I’d dislike myself at least a tiny bit if I were in your place.”
“No need to, Nanael. You haven't done anything bad, unless attempting to break my brain counts.”
“No, it doesn’t count, so we are still friends. Super duper friends.” Nanael laughed. “But you pushed that button and you are still in the house... I take it you wanted to chat.”
“Chat... I guess. I... Wanted to know more. Why you do what you do, what I can do to change things...”
“So now you are super ready, huh?”
“Super is not a good word, more like ‘kinda’.”
“Oh. Well I’ll keep that before ‘absolutely against’.”
“I’ve been thinking... About that thing you said.”
“The thing about the thingies?”
“Wow. That sounds really specific.”
“Okay, yeah. It’s just that this isn't something to discuss in a room that is not properly isolated.”
“So... Can you do that? Or at least take me somewhere less dangerous?”
“I can isolate the room, I think. Give me a second.”

Nanael got up from the chair, looked around the room for a moment, did some weird gestures with her hands, and smiled.

“All done! You have a good room, easy to close out.”
“That... Looked easy.”
“It was, absolutely.” Nanael nodded happily. “We would be done for if it weren’t an easy room, I’m terrible for these things.”
“I see...”
“So, ask away.” The angel said as she walked back to the chair. The smile was still all over her face as she sat, crossing her legs.
“I want to know about stopping the machines. Would that... Would it destroy them?”
“No. It would stop them, but breaking the machines is far more difficult. Thing is, there is a system that controls all the machines in the chambers. It’s something very delicate and complex... If we can mess up the system, resetting it back to the original configuration would easily take a month or two.”
“That much...?”
“Yes.”
“And isn't there a backup or something...?”
“Well, of course, but if we have the capability to mess the system up, we’d also have the capability to get rid of the backups.”
“Is it that easy to access it?”
“No. You’d need the Mother’s code. And nobody has that code... That is why we’d need that thing from beyond the Gate.”
“You've mentioned that ‘Gate’ before. What is it?”
“That’s complicated to explain... Let me try it like this. Worlds are usually connected trough some kind of gate... Worlds are tricky to explain.”
“You say there are other worlds? Like the paralell worlds in books?”
“Of course. But those worlds aren’t any easy to find or to understand. Sometimes they are a lot like this world, sometimes they aren’t... And sometimes they can be scary or dangerous.”
“So... you need something that is in another world? A world that could be dangerous?”
“Yes.” Nanael replied, matter of factly.
“And how would I even get it?”
“I have a contact on the other world. I’d just need to tell my contact to wait for you on the other side of the Gate and tadah. You wouldn't even need to go into the other world, just across the Gate.”
“Tadah. I see.” Celine sighed. “And what is that thing?”
“Now, that I can't tell you.”
“What? You’d get me in trouble for something I don’t even know what it is?”
“Yes. Because in this case, I swear knowing would get you in far more trouble. If you don’t know, then you can sincerely tell the Interrogators that I was the one that made you look for it. You know interrogators can tell when you are lying.”
“I understand...” It did make sense, and Celine wasn’t sure if she liked that or not. “So... How does one even go into another world?”
“Trough the Gate, of course.” Nanael smiled and Celine rolled her eyes.
“I bet there are gates everywhere, then! Then I’m sure you can go trough one without my help.”
“All right, all right. I get it.” The angel chuckled. “I swear you had a better sense of humor before.”
“I totally didn't.”
There was a pause.
“Okay, you never did.”
“So, how do I get to that Gate? What do I have to do?”
“The nearest gate is easy to find for any Angel, so taking you there is not difficult. The hard part is actually going across, since the Guardian of the Gate won’t just let anyone go trough... We would need a signed permit. And getting one of those is not easy.”
“So we are stuck here?”
“Not really. We just need one of the big names to sign the permit.”
“And do you really think they will be collaborating?”
“Actually, there is one who could collaborate as long as you insist a lot.”
“Really...?”
“That’s your dear Interrogator.”
“What.”
“Oh. Don’t tell me nobody told you about him yet.”
“I haven't asked either.”
“Elimiel was one of the biggest figures behind the creation of the Chambers and the machines. He has worked on the treatments for the longest time, and he’s one of the Mother’s closest associates, and on top of our hierarchy.”
“Really?”
“You really haven’t paid that much attention, have you?”
“Well, I never thought I would have to take a test at the end of the month, okay?”
“That’s true... I guess this did come up as a bit of a surprise.”
“So do you think he’ll help?”
“He may. At any rate, he is very partial to you since you are one of his so called moon children, so I bet he’ll listen, and that’s more than what we can usually get.”
“So... Suppose I do get that permit signed. What comes next?”
“You go trough the Gate, get the item from my contact on the other side of the gate, come back, and I use it to stop the machines.”
“And... How do I know you are saying the truth?”
“You don’t.”
“I’m glad to hear that, it made this sound a lot less crazy and suicidal.”
“Aw, come on. You know you can trust me, we’ve known each other for a while.”
“One month is not ‘a while’, Nanael.”
“Okay a little while then. Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith. Especially if you want to make a big change.”

Celine didn’t answer. Her eyes were fixed on Nanael, and her brain was racing. Was this a good idea? Could she really trust this angel considering everythin? She was a rebel, and she was pretty sure that she really did mean to turn the machines off, though Celine wasn’t really sure why she wanted to do it.

And then it came to her. There was someone else to check with, right? Elimiel was an Interrogator, and he was close to the Mother... So she could still ask him. See if he thought this was a good idea. He wouldn’t put everything at risk, right?

And Nanael didn’t have to know that she wasn’t fully convinced. Not yet.

“All right.” Celine nodded. “Doing nothing is probably worse than doing the wrong thing, I guess. I still have my doubts, but I will clear them as we go.”
“Oh that’s good news, good news!”
“I will talk to Elimiel and try to get him to give me the permit. We’ll see what happens after that.”
“Excellent.”
“So, does the panic button still work to call you?”
“Yep. Push the button, get Nanael.”
“Great.”
“And I take it this means ‘Nanael get out until I call you again”, huh?”
“You’ve become more perceptive.”
“I’m cool like that.” Nanael got up from the chair again, and smiled. “Call me whenever you need me, okay? Nanael out!”

Celine looked at the empty space where Nanael used to be for a few seconds. She wasn’t quite sure of what to do next. She had to talk to Elimiel, right? And she had to pretend to be living a normal life meanwhile. And get some permit. And then possibly bring the end of civilization.

It was going to be a difficult week.

Somehow, Celine managed to pretend she was a normal human being the next day. Irvine was the only one who seemed to have noticed something, but he politely abstained from mentioning anything. If Cassiel realized, she didn’t say a word, not even when Celine excused herself for a few minutes.

Maybe she should have asked where the hell Elimiel’s office was. She didn’t think about it when talking with Nanael, and asking Cassiel would end up with her putting an angry face, and she pretty much had no idea what to do next. So she went to the next logical person.

Imriel wasn’t expecting her, but he was still all polite smiles when Celine arrived.
“Do you need anything, miss Celine? You don’t have an appointment today.”
“I’m not here to see the Mother... I actually wanted to ask you something completely unrelated.”
“Please, tell me how I can help you.”
“I was looking for Elimiel... I had something to tell him, and he is really hard to find.”
“He is usually around the laboratories in the lower floors. But I haven’t seen him in a few days. He does this from time to time, however.”
“Oh... So I’m out of luck?”
“Partially. But I think you may be able to get his attention, miss Celine.”
“How...?” A pause. “Oh. Oh! You're right! Thanks a lot!”
“There is no need to thank me.”

He smiled, and for the first time Celine actually looked at him. Other than the first time she had met him, when she thought that he looked like a girl, she had never really paid attention to the blue eyed angel. She never had a real conversation with him, did she? Both times she had been on her way to see the Mother... Celine smiled. Even if her life was about to end, there was nothing wrong about working a little to mend a mistake, right?

Not that she knew what to say.

“Ah...” There was a long pause after that, and Imriel looked at her a little worried.
“Is everything fine, miss Celine?”
“Yes, you don’t have to worry.” She laughed, a little embarrassed. “I just... I was thinking that I haven’t really talked much to you, and that’s pretty horrible from me. I’m always asking you things, but I never really asked you how you are, or if you are having a good day or anything. So I wanted to apologize.”
“Answering questions is part of my job, so it’s not really something you should feel bad about.”
“But still. I think I’m becoming more impolite.”
“Well, you've mended it now by apologizing. So you don’t have to give it much thought, just make sure of remembering this next time so you won’t feel bad.”
“That’s right. I’ll do my best.”
“Please do.” He smiled once more.
“Have you been a Counselor before?”
“Only for a few months, to cover a good friend who had some issues.”
“Oh I see. You are really nice, and it reminded me a little of my own Counselor.”
“You are one of Saelel’s girls, right?”
“That’s right! How did you know?”
“I’m the one in charge of assigning Counselors, so I remember who most of them get to work with.”
“Oh that explains a lot... Still, there are lots of us, do you really remember that many?”
“Yes. I have quite the good memory.” Imriel chuckled.
“It sure shows!” Celine smiled. “I’m pretty decent for memory related things... But I’m pretty bad with dates.”
“Are you the kind of person who forgets birthdays, miss Celine?”
“Absolutely. I’ve had to apologize so many times for that...”
“An assistant would do you well, then.”
“I can’t imagine myself getting an assistant... Poor thing, I’d drive them crazy.”
“Some of us truly enjoy a challenging job. Consider getting an assistant if your work eventually grows to be too complex. It’s good to have someone to delegate your duties to, so you can have all the time you need to take care of the most important things.”
“Is that why you work with the Mother?”
“That is correct. Though it took me years to convince her of letting me do some things.”
“I remember... I was told that she is the kind of person who prefers to do everything by herself.”
“Nobody can do everything on their own, miss Celine. Not even the Mother... So never be afraid of asking for help.”
“I’ll remember that... But I should be going.”
“Have a good day. And good luck in your search.”
“Thanks a lot. Let’s talk again another day.”
“I’ll be right here.”
“See you later!”

Celine left the office with a small smile. She felt a little better now, and Imriel’s advice was actually pretty good... She would take it to heart. Difficult things were ahead of her and she couldn’t just go and risk everything just because she was too silly to ask for help.

And on top of that, she knew exactly where to look for Elimiel.

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Notes:

such chapter

no michael

very short

many secondary characters

wow